Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Ghost Story Challenge: "What Came From the Forest" -- Hazel West

What Came From the Forest
By Hazel B. West


In the forest outside the village there are ponds that are not like normal ponds. These ponds are like mirror worlds, dark, evil ones, and if you fall into them, you will end up in dark, strange places. 
            Sometimes, a hapless traveler will fall into one and never be seen again.
            Sometimes things come out.

~~~
Alice watched the boys building the bonfire in the center of the village, laughing and joking with each other. Normally, this would be one of her favorite nights, the chill in the air of the coming winter, the harvest newly brought in from the fields, and the laughter and dancing, accompanied by the scary stories that went late into the night.
            But not this year. This year she felt nothing but a cold heaviness inside her chest. 
            It had now been one year since her brother, Will, had disappeared into the forest. 
            “Alice, there you are!”
            She turned, startled out of her dark thoughts and pulled her eyes away from the village boys. Will should have been there building the bonfire too, but he wasn’t. She turned to face her sister.
            “Grandmother needs our help in the kitchen!” Her sister, Anne, grabbed her hand and tugged on it instantly. 
            Alice reluctantly allowed Anne to pull her back to the small house they shared with their grandmother since their parents had died of the small pox several years ago. Sometimes Alice wondered how much one person could lose before they lost themselves. She hoped she never found out.
            The small cottage was filled with the smells of cooking apples and cinnamon, and Alice wished it helped her feel more festive, wished that the warm smell could ease some of the ice in her heart. She would try to be in a good mood for Anne. Anne was ten years old this harvest and their grandmother said she could join in the dancing that year—as long as she and Alice stayed together and close to the fire. 
            Anne hadn’t seemed to see anything strange about that, but Alice knew exactly what her grandmother had been thinking.
            “I found her, Grandmother,” Anne crowed triumphantly as she let go of Alice’s hand, having delivered her safely to her duty. Alice couldn’t help but smile just a little. Her sister’s joy was infectious.
            Grandmother looked up. “There you are, Alice. I need you girls to help me with these turnovers or we’ll never get them done before the party.”
            “Sorry, Grandmother, I lost track of time,” Alice said, even though she had gone to feed the chickens an hour ago. 
            Her grandmother didn’t say anything but she gave Alice a sympathetic look. Alice looked away quickly and grabbed her apron and washed her hands before turning to the lump of dough her grandmother had prepared. She began rolling and cutting it for the turnovers as Anne filled them with the warm, spiced apples and crimped them for the oven.
            Once all the tarts were done and filling three big baskets that they would share among the villagers that night, Grandmother smiled at the girls. “Now that we’re done with this, I think it’s time for you young ladies to go and get yourselves ready. It will be dark soon.”
            Anne jumped up and down excitedly and ran off toward the room the girls shared. “Alice, can you help me do my hair?” she called on the way.
            “I’ll be there in a second,” Alice promised.
            She finished tidying up and took off her apron, about ready to go help Anne when her grandmother caught her wrist.
            “You watch your sister tonight, Alice,” Grandmother said firmly. “Do not let her go near the woods.” Her gaze traveled out the window, into some middle distance. “I feel something dark this year, it feels restless.”
            Alice’s breath caught in her throat. There were many old stories in the village about the forest that encroached upon them to the south, but they had to just be old stories. Even though the villagers were superstitious, Alice didn’t think they really believed any of the tales to be true. That there were pools as clear as glass beneath the dark trees, that if you gazed in them too long you would fall into another world—a dark world, mirroring this one. And the other stories which always sent a shiver down her spine, the ones that told of the people who fell into those mirror pools coming back, no longer who they had been but dark doppelgängers looking to drag more unsuspecting victims into their new world with them.
            Alice didn’t want to believe the stories, but after what had happened to Will…after he had never come back from the bonfire party last year…she didn’t know what to believe.
            Grandmother squeezed her hand gently, as if realizing she had scared Alice. “Do not fret, child, just be cautious and wear these.” She reached into her apron and pulled out some small sprigs of rowan. This was a traditional adornment for the harvest festival, but some of the villagers, her grandmother included, had also taken to stringing it up over their doors and windows. 
            Alice took the sprigs and nodded. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after Anne,” she said sincerely. She would not lose her sister. Never.
            Grandmother smiled and patted her hand before releasing her. Alice went back to their room where Anne had already put on her new dress and was attempting to button it up the back.
            Alice instantly went to help her, and Anne smiled gratefully before swirling around. “How do I look?”
            Alice smiled back, unable to help it. “Beautiful. Let’s do your hair.”
            She helped Anne braid her hair into plaits and arrange them around her head, adding dried flowers and some of the rowan berries to make the braids look like a crown. Then Alice pulled her own dress out of the wardrobe and bit back a sigh as she went to put it on. Last year, she had been so excited to make this new dress—Will had even gone to the town ten miles away to get the fabric for it as a surprise for her. She was sure that it would catch Jamie Paige’s eye and it had—she had danced with him several times that night, making all the other village girls jealous. Until she had gone to find Will as the party was dispersing late at night and he was nowhere to be found. 
            This year she had refused Grandmother’s offer to make a new dress. She couldn’t stand the thought of giving this one up. It had been the last gift Will had ever given her.
            She stared at her lifeless expression in the mirror as she plaited her own hair, but the mirror only reminded her of the stories about the forest and she shivered, turning away quickly to grab another pin from Anne. Once she had finished, she allowed her sister to position the flowers and rowan in her hair and then stood up.
            “Are you going to dance with Jamie again tonight?” Anne asked her.
            Alice felt a twist in her stomach. Jamie had stayed with her through the long night last year while the men of the village led a search party for Will, but after that she hadn’t wanted to be around people much. Jamie would still say hi to her with a smile when he saw her in the village, but she couldn’t stand to give him more than a passing glance. It wasn’t his fault he reminded her of that night, and she wouldn’t blame him if he had found another of the village girls to show attention to now even though the thought filled her with a bitter-tasting regret.
            She forced a smile for Anne’s sake and took her hand. “I don’t know. Maybe he’d rather dance with you.”
            Anne giggled and they left the house as the gloaming light began to come over the village. A chill wind blew up just as they stepped out the door and Alice shivered, glancing in the direction from which it had come.
            She found herself staring directly into the distant forest and for just a second thought she saw a dark figure standing between the trees, but the instant she blinked it was gone.
            “Alice, come on!” Anne urged and grabbed her hand, tugging her along.
            Alice allowed herself to be dragged to the center of the village where everyone else was gathering around the large pile of wood in the center for the bonfire.
            Everyone was talking and laughing, but…there also seemed to be a tense atmosphere among everyone. All of the villagers wore rowan berries, and red—the women dresses and the men shirts. Red was, of course, traditional for the harvest celebration, but it was usually only the young, unmarried, girls who wore it yearly. A memory of something Grandmother had told her rose in Alice’s mind when she had seen some of the men planting stakes at the edge of the fields nearest the forest with scraps of red fabric tied to them.
            “Red repels dark things, Alice. That’s why you should always wear red on the nights when the veils are thin.”
            Alice shuddered again and wrapped her arms around herself. Anne had already slipped off to join some of the other girls her age, and Alice was about to go over to her when she felt a presence at her side.
            “Anne looks like she’s having a good time.”
            Alice turned sharply to see Jamie standing there at her elbow, his tousled dark curls waving softly in the cool breeze, his green eyes shining. Alice felt her stomach flutter.
            “Oh, yes,” she managed. “She’s excited that it’s her first year to join the dancing.”
            Jamie grinned but there was something else in his eyes, something searching her own and Alice had to force herself not to look away. “And how are you, Alice?”
            She shrugged. “Well enough,” she lied.
            Jamie smiled softly as if he understood perfectly well. “Well, I was hoping you might honor me with a dance this evening?”
            Alice wanted to say no, but she also wanted something to distract her from everything. And Jamie Paige did prove very distracting so she forced a small smile and nodded. “I would like that very much.”
            He grinned, looking a little relieved and it was then that the village headman, Donald Scott, came forward, carrying a torch. The villagers cheered and whooped, making way for him so he could get to the bonfire.
            “We gather tonight to give thanks for the harvest. May next year be just as plenteous,” he said, and his wife who stood at his arm, held up a small sheaf of wheat, which she carefully laid down on the bonfire before Donald threw the torch into the pile of kindling on top of the wood.
            The bonfire lit with a whoompand a rush of hot air and sparks flew into the night sky as the villagers cheered.
            Music started instantly and they sang harvest songs as everyone began getting into position to dance, scrambling for partners. 
            Jamie turned to Alice instantly and held out his hand. “May I?”
            Alice tentatively took it and Jamie didn’t give her any warning before he spun her around, joining the circle of other dancers as they pounded their feet and spun in the dancing light of the fire, sparks flying around them to light up the night.
            Alice felt something free itself inside her chest, as if she could breathe again for the first time in she didn’t know how long. She looked into Jamie’s eyes and he grinned, nearly making her go weak in the knees. She stumbled slightly and he caught her around the waist before they both laughed. Alice was shocked as the sound burst from her mouth. It had been a long time since she had truly laughed. Perhaps she had been mistaken about the foreboding feeling after all.
            As the reel came to an end, they stopped to catch their breath and Alice found herself smiling.
            “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jamie asked her teasingly. “Would the lady perhaps like another dance?”
            Alice was about to reply when she felt eyes on her and the hair on the back of her neck rose as a chill touched her there. She spun around and caught sight of a dark figure standing just outside the ring of light from the fire, concealed in the shadows so that she couldn’t see his face. Her breath caught in her throat and she took a step forward but when she blinked the figure seemed to have melted into the darkness and vanished.
            “Alice?” Jamie asked, his voice concerned as he touched her arm, startling her. “What’s wrong?”
            Alice spun back toward him, sure that her face was white. All the joy was gone from inside of her now, replaced by the cold feeling that had been there all year. “I—I just forgot that I had to do something for Grandmother,” she said. “Perhaps you can dance with Anne next; I’m sure she would love that.”
            Jamie smiled, but there was some worry in his eyes too. “Sure. But let me know if I can help you with anything. And I willbe claiming another dance later.”
            Alice smiled with a nod and then hurried off to the spot she had seen the figure.
            Slipping into the darkness outside the ring of light from the bonfire sent a chill across her skin. She hadn’t noticed it being quite this cold earlier, but there was a definite chill in the air now, a breeze coming from the direction of the forest.
            The sounds of music and laughter seemed to dull now and instead she could hear the rustling of the trees in the ill wind. 
            Alice.
            Alice spun around, heart stopping in her chest as she thought someone—something—had spoken her name. 
            “Who’s there?” she whispered, mouth dry.
            The breeze stopped but the chill set in further. She breathed and a puff of white came from her mouth as goosebumps broke out on her arms. She ran her hands over them, trying to warm herself. How was it suddenly this cold?
            And then she turned around to the shadows and came face to face with her brother, Will.
            Alice screamed, or she would have if the sound hadn’t frozen in her throat. She staggered back a step toward the light and tripped and fell onto the ground. She scrambled to her feet but her brother was no longer standing there.
            Alice stood there trembling in the dark, hands shaking. She must be seeing things. Her grief must finally be making her go mad. Too many memories from last year.
            “Alice?”
            She nearly screamed again as she heard her name called, but this came from a human throat, not the wind, and she turned to see Jamie’s concerned face.
            “Are you all right?”
            She inhaled deeply. Her breath wasn’t forming clouds anymore and the air around her had warmed back to what the night had been before. Again, she thought she must have hallucinated everything.
            “I—I’m fine,” she said.
            “Come back by the fire, you’re shivering,” Jamie said with concern, tucking his arm around her and pulling her close to his side. She leaned into his warmth despite herself, feeling his flesh and blood body against her, the warmth of his flowing blood beneath his skin seeping into her own chilled flesh. For some reason that proof of life was important to her just then.
            He took her toward the table of refreshments that had been set up and got her a mug of Mrs. Davis’s mulled cider. Alice took it with slightly trembling hands but drank. The apple and spices warmed her from the inside out and she felt less shaky afterward.
            “Better?” Jamie asked her.
            She nodded, eyes watching the crowd. Anne was dancing in a circle with her friends and Alice felt some relief at seeing her safe and well.
            “Now, I do believe dancing is one of the best ways to get warm,” Jamie told her with a small smile as he took her finished mug and set it aside. “What do you think?”
            Alice was about to protest, but she didn’t want to think about what she had—what she thoughtshe had seen. So she allowed Jamie to lead her back into the fray.
            They danced several more times that night and Alice was able to relax a little, though she couldn’t shake the strange, dark feeling that seemed to have attached itself to her this whole week leading up to the harvest festival, culminating into this chill inside that night. She was somewhat glad when the villagers started to disperse and she and Anne could go home.
            The little girl was beaming, flushed red from laughing and dancing and skipped beside Alice even now.
            “Did you have a good time?” Alice asked her, unable to help a smile as she took Anne’s hand and led her back toward their cottage. 
            “Oh yes!” Anne said dreamily. “This was so much fun! Thank you for bringing me, Alice.” She hugged her sister swiftly and Alice rested a hand fondly against the top of her head. “I just wish Will could be here with us. He always loved dancing.”
            Ice settled into Alice’s stomach at the mention of their brother. Anne didn’t talk about him much, knowing it hurt her, but hearing his name now, caused an unknown feeling to creep down her spine as another chill wind blew up from the direction of the woods. A dark shadow filled her periphery and Alice refused to look, afraid of what she might see.
            “Me too,” she managed to say as she took Anne’s hand again and drew her into a brisker pace, wanting to be home. 
            Grandmother was waiting for them, knitting by the fire, when they came in. She smiled as Anne ran to hug her.
            “Well my dears, did you have a good time?”
            “The best!” Anne said, kissing their grandmother’s cheek.
            “Well, I’m glad to hear it. But I think it’s time to be off to bed now.”
            Alice took Anne to their room and helped her take the flowers from her hair, setting them on the dressing table. Anne was already yawning as she got into her nightgown and slipped into bed. Alice glanced out the window at the harvest moon and was glad that this window didn’t open out into the forest. She shuddered and pulled the drapes before she too dressed for bed.
            Anne was already asleep when Alice slipped into bed beside her sister and wrapped her arms around her small, warm figure. 
            She hoped that tomorrow everything would be back to normal again.
~~~~
Alice woke in the middle of the night to a strange sound. At first she wasn’t sure what it was. She sat up in bed, looking around with a frown as she tried to place it. And then she realized it was coming from the window.
            It sounded like a crackling, almost as if a branch was knocking against the glass, but there were no trees there outside their window.
            Alice felt her heart in her throat as she carefully slipped out of the bed, afraid to wake Anne. She crept toward the window and drew back the drape carefully.
            Ice was crackling across the glass, hoarfrost that was even now stretching from one side to the other. Alice’s breath caught in her throat as she watched the bizarre spectacle. 
            Then a dark shape moved beyond the frosty window.
            Alice jerked backwards, barely suppressing a gasp. She staggered a couple steps and then turned swift and headed out into the main part of the house. 
            The kitchen window was also frosting over, but there was still enough room to see out and she did, bracing herself for what she would see.
            Will’s face appeared before her.
            Alice suppressed her urge to scream, sure that this was a dream, but how could it be? She didn’t think she was asleep. This was too real.
            Will stared at her, his eyes blank, skin pale. His lips moved soundlessly, but she knew he was calling her name. The glass frosted even more but just before he was obscured from her view she saw his eyes turn a solid black.
            Alice jerked back and frantically glanced up to see the rowan spring in the window. Whatever that was, it wasn’t Will. Would the rowan truly do anything to stop it?
            Just then a bang sounded on the door. Alice did shriek this time as three deliberate knocks sounded out. She didn’t want to, but she stepped slowly toward the door and reached out a shaking hand toward the small peep hole…
            “Stay back, Alice!”
            Alice was pulled backwards as her grandmother suddenly appeared, thrusting a bunch or rowan through the peep hole. “Get the salt!”
            “Salt?” Alice asked, still in shock.
            “Yes, now!”
            Alice staggered the few feet to the kitchen and pulled the jar of salt from the cupboard. Her grandmother snatched it and to Alice’s surprise, dumped it in a line in front of the door.
            “What are you doing?”
            “Salt repels evil better than rowan,” Grandmother explained and handed it back. “Take this and do the same on all the window sills. Now, Alice!”
            Alice hurried to obey, pouring salt over the kitchen window and then going and doing the same in their bedrooms. Anne was somehow still asleep and Alice wondered if she should wake her, but decided against it. She brought the salt back to the kitchen where Grandmother stood staring out the window, the hoarfrost disappearing again.
            “I think we’ll be safe now,” she said and sighed wearily. Alice watched as she lit several lanterns and put a kettle on the stove for tea.
            “Grandmother…what was that?” Alice finally asked.
            The old woman sighed, pouring two cups of tea and setting them on the table before sitting down heavily in the chair. “It came from the forest.”
            Alice shook her head, reeling. She had known something strange was happening, she thought she had always known, and yet now, faced with the truth, it sounded so insane. And yet, what else was she supposed to believe? Something wearing her brother’s face had just shown up at their house, trying to get in.
            “I don’t understand,” she whispered, finally joining her grandmother at the table and wrapping her hands around the cup of tea. “Those are just stories…”
            “No,” Grandmother said, shaking her head. “They’re not. Though it’s been a while since we’ve had to worry about anything coming out…the last time that happened was when I was a child, about Anne’s age.”
            Alice shuddered. “But what…what are they? Ghosts?”
            Grandmother shook her head. “No one truly knows. It’s possible they could be ghosts, corrupted by whatever evil resides in those woods, or something else. A creature from that black place that takes on the face of those it steals away.”
            Alice felt horror wash over her. The thought of Will being taken by something in the forest, and the other people who had disappeared from their village out of the blue over the years…it was almost too much to think about.
            “How do we…get rid of it?” she whispered.
            Grandmother sighed. “I don’t know. We can only keep ourselves safe from it. That is all.”
            That didn’t make Alice feel much better. She spent the rest of the night sitting up with Grandmother, watching the lines of salt, and making sure whatever that had been didn’t come back.
~~~~
Alice dozed in the chair eventually that night but woke early and stoked the fire back to life. She wasn’t sure she would ever be warm again after last night. It was almost as if hoarfrost was forming inside of her as well. She wished it had all been just a dream, but the salt around the door and windows told her it wasn’t.
            Grandmother came into the kitchen and started to make breakfast. Neither of them said anything, but there was a tension in the air. Alice wondered how long they would have to deal with that thing wearing her brother’s face. Would it eventually go back to the forest, or would they have to send it back?
            She eventually went back to her room to dress and wake Anne for breakfast. But when she got there, she found her little sister already up and staring out the window. Alice caught her breath suddenly worried about what would be out there in the pale dawn light, but Anne turned around when she came in.
            “Who put salt on the window?” she asked, confused.
            Alice shook her head, not wanting her sister to know the truth. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a harvest tradition.”
            “I don’t remember doing it before,” Anne said.
            Alice turned around and pulled her dress from the back of a chair. “Get dressed. Grandmother is making breakfast and then you need to go collect the eggs and feed the chickens.”
            Anne dutifully did as she was told, but spoke up as Alice moved to plait her hair into a conventional braid. “I had a weird dream last night,” the little girl said. “I thought Will had come home. He was standing at the window.”
            Alice felt her heart freeze in her chest. Her hands fumbled with the strands of Anne’s hair and she tried to recover the plait before it completely fell apart.
            “I think he was sad,” Anne said softly. “Like he wanted to see us again. He wanted me to come with him.”
            The strands of hair fell apart and Alice’s breath caught in her throat. Anne turned around, a frown on her face. 
            “Alice, what is it?”
            Alice shook her head and quickly gathered Anne’s braid back together. “Nothing. I just…I didn’t sleep well last night.”
            She stayed silent for the rest of their morning routine and then slipped her dress on before joining Anne and Grandmother for breakfast. She hardly had an appetite though. Could it simply be coincidence that Anne had dreamed of Will last night? Alice had been thinking of him more in the past few days too, remembering his disappearance, but Anne dreaming of him at the window, wanting her to go with him? She was scared that it hadn’t been a dream after all.
            Anne left the house to go care for the chickens and Alice nervously did chores around the house before heading out into the garden, wanting to be closer to Anne.
            But as she went out there, she couldn’t see her sister anywhere. She checked the chicken coop and saw that the basket Anne usually collected the eggs in was sitting in the middle of the coop, full of eggs. The feed was in the trough, but there was no Anne.
            “Anne?” Alice called, wondering if she had gotten distracted and wandered off. Anne did that on occasion, she always had her head up in the clouds. She ran around to the garden and then to Anne’s favorite patch of wildflowers that were fading fast with the year, but her sister was nowhere to be seen.
            “Anne!” she cried, fear overtaking her as she ran back toward the house.
            She ran into someone as she turned the corner and nearly screamed when hands grabbed her arms, keeping her upright.
            “Alice, what’s wrong?”
            She looked up, relieved to see Jamie’s face instead of some monster wearing her brother’s.
            “I—I can’t find Anne,” she said.
            Jamie frowned. “You know she runs off sometimes. I’m sure she’s fine…”
            “No, you don’t understand,” Alice tried to explain, and clutched at her skirt in agitation. She didn’t know how much she wanted to say because it seemed crazy. “Jamie, the forest—” 
            “Anne wouldn’t go in there,” Jamie told her reassuringly. “No one goes in there.”
            “No, but things come out of it,” Alice whispered.
            Jamie frowned. “What are you talking about, those are all stories…” He trailed off and looked past Alice’s shoulder.
            Alice got a chill on the back of her neck like the night before and spun around toward the woods. There were two figures walking across the fields, hand in hand, one small and the other tall and blond with a familiar swing to his shoulders. It was Anne and…Will. Or whatever it was that had taken the form of him.
            “What the devil is that?” Jamie demanded. “It looks like…”
            “We have to go now! Anne is in danger!” Alice cried and rushed forward but Jamie grabbed her wrist, pulling her back.
            “Alice, wait, we can’t just run off. I’ll gather the men…”
            “There’s no time!” Alice cried. “We can’t let it take her into the woods!”
            She shook him free and burst into their cottage. Grandmother was already out, and Alice panicked for a minute before she remembered what the older woman had taught her. Rowan berries, red, salt. She grabbed sprigs of rowan, and the jar of salt before rushing to her room and grabbing a red cloak she had. She raced back out to Jamie who had followed her inside and threw the salt and rowan into his arms before she slung the cloak over her shoulders.
            “Come on!”
            “Alice what is this?”
            “I don’t have time to explain, but that’s not really Will. It’s something from the forest that stole his face and it has Anne!”
            Jamie didn’t try to protest but simply ran with her out into the fields. Alice looked around frantically and saw a flash of Anne’s dress just inside the tree line.
            “Anne!” she shouted, racing faster across the fields. “Anne come back! Don’t go in there with that thing!”
            But there was no reply. Just the sound of her and Jamie’s breaths bursting in panic as they raced across the field.
            “We do we do?” he asked her as they got to the forest and hesitated at the tree line. “Anyone who goes in there…they don’t come back out.”
            “I have to save my sister,” Alice said firmly and took a deep breath as she stepped inside.
            There was an instant difference inside the forest. It was dark, a perpetual twilight, and there were no sounds. No birds or small animals or insects that were usually always making noise inside a forest. And it was cold. Alice shivered, pulling the cloak around her more tightly. 
            Jamie stood at her shoulder, his eyes wide as he looked around. “This is…”
            Alice shivered, but ripped a piece of her cloak off and tied it around a branch. For some reason she felt that if she didn’t mark their way they would never find their way back out.
            “Come on,” she said, then called. “Anne? Anne where are you?”
            “Anne!” Jamie called as they slowly stepped further into the trees, Alice putting markers up every few feet.
            “Anne answer me!” she cried.
            “Alice!” a scream came before it was muffled. 
            Alice spun around, trying to find the source. “Anne!”
            “Over here, it came from this direction,” Jamie told her quickly and took the lead. 
            Alice looked around frantically for her sister and heard another muffled scream. She spun toward the sound and finally caught sight of her sister and that thing dragging her through the trees. “Jamie, there!” she cried, pointing.
            They dashed through the forest and the thing wearing Will’s face spun toward them, its eyes coal black and a cruel smile twisting its face. It held Anne tightly, shaking her when she struggled.
            “Let her go!” Alice demanded.
            “You’ve all been foolish enough to come in here,” the thing said. It was Will’s voice, but with a sibilant hiss underneath of it. Something dark and slimy. “You belong to the forest now.”
            Jamie growled and lunged forward, but Alice, seeing where he was about to step, suddenly snagged the back of his shirt, hauling him back. “Jamie, wait!”
            He stalled, nearly tipping over into the pond that was hidden in the loam on the ground. Alice hauled him back and they both collapsed onto the forest floor.
            The thing wearing Will’s face smiled at them, reaching to stroke Anne’s hair gently.
            “Come with me. We can live as a family again. I know that’s what you really want.”
            “You’re not my brother,” Alice snarled.
            “But I could be,” it said and picked Anne up off the ground even as she struggled, dangling her over top of the pool, ready to drop her into whatever was inside. 
            Alice surged to her feet, racing around the pool as Jamie shouted at her. She tackled the thing and they crashed to the ground, Anne finally getting free of its grasp. She scrambled away, screaming as Jamie rushed over and took the little girl into his arms, shouting for Alice.
            Alice rolled over in the loam, and grabbed a handful of rowan from her pocket, shoving it into the creature’s face.
            It hissed, reeling back and getting off of her. Alice staggered to her feet and yanked her cloak off.
            “You’re never coming back to our village again,” she said and threw the cloak at the thing. 
            It hissed as the red fabric covered it and Alice surged forward, grabbing the tails of the cloak and wrapping it tightly around the thing so that its head and shoulders were covered in the red cloth. She then simply shoved it backwards into the waiting pool.
            Time seemed to slow. The creature with Will’s face fell backwards into the waiting darkness of the puddle. There wasn’t a splash, only a sucking, as if the pool was pulling it in, and then it was gone with a final inhuman scream. Alice collapsed next to the pool that was completely still again, not even a ripple to disturb its surface. She leaned forward, seeing her reflection warping in the dark mirrorlike pool. It was almost mesmerizing and she vaguely wondered what it would be like to reach out and touch it…
            “Alice!”
            She was pulled away from those dangerous musings by the cry and the small arms wrapping around her neck.
            Alice sat back on her heels on the damp ground, holding Anne tightly to her, feeling the little girl’s tears on her shoulder.
            “Anne, I’m so glad you’re okay.”
            “I’m sorry!” Anne cried. “I’m sorry I left, I just…I thought…”
            “I know,” Alice whispered, rubbing her back soothingly. And she did. What she wouldn’t give to see Will again. But this…this wasn’t him and it never would be. “I know.”
            Anne sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Can we go home now?”
            Alice pulled back and nodded. “Yes.”
            She looked up at Jamie who gave her a fond smile. “Thank you,” she whispered to him.
            He nodded and helped them both to their feet.
            Before they left the forest, they poured a ring of salt around the pool. Alice wasn’t sure it would work, but it had kept that thing out of their house the night before, so it was possible that it would keep it locked in its mirror world. Then all three of them trudged back to the village, following the trail of red rags Alice had left. Jamie carried Anne on his back and Alice pressed close to his side, needing to feel his human warmth. 
            The entire village was in an uproar by the time they got back and Alice saw their Grandmother standing with several of the other women, wringing her hands in her apron until she spotted them.
            “Alice! Anne!” she cried and Anne got off of Jamie’s back and ran to their grandmother, Alice close behind her. They both threw their arms around her.
            “Grandmother!” Anne started crying again and Grandmother pulled them both to her, ushering them toward the house. 
            “Come inside for some tea, dears. You too Jamie.”
            They trooped inside, leaving the rest of the villagers to murmur amongst themselves about what had happened. 
            They told their grandmother everything and she sat and listened silently. Then when they had finished, she got up to stoke the fire again and when she came back, she squeezed Alice’s shoulder. 
            “You are a very brave woman, Alice,” she said proudly.
            Alice felt tears prick her eyes, and as she looked aside, she saw Jamie watching her, a kind smile on his face, and she felt a spark of warmth in her chest for the first time since she had lost Will. 
            In the week to come, there was a lot of speculation going around the village but only in hushed voices and Alice and the others never really told anyone what had happened. But the men of the village made a new and more fortified barrier around the woods, and everyone in town now put salt in front of their doors and windows and went around wearing rowan berries. 
            Alice oddly felt safer than before though. She almost felt that the trouble was over at least for a while. And, oddly, sending that thing wearing Will’s face back to wherever it had come from had almost helped her put Will’s memory to rest. She would forever miss him, forever regret his being lost in the woods that night, but she felt could move on now, and learn to cherish what she did have.
            Jamie came courting her every other day now, and that day when he arrived, she gave him a genuine smile, dried flowers from that summer in her hair which Anne had insisted she wear, and she took his hand happily, feeling lighter than she had for a long time. 
            Even though a person lost something, that didn’t mean they couldn’t gain something else. Perhaps that was what kept one from breaking entirely in the long run. And Alice was certainly glad she had found Jamie Paige.

The End
Copyright 2019 by Hazel B. West

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Ghost Story Challenge- "The Shadow of a Skull"-- Joseph Leskey



The Shadow of a Skull

by Joseph Leskey


The world is an annoying place – it’s even more annoying when the dead are animated by unnatural, excessively irksome means. It just so happens that, contrary to the knowledge of many, this latter case was recently observed. Officer George Babcock, unlike the many, knew it well. He was on duty at the appearance of the first sign. In his hand was a really fine, outlandishly large cup of apple cider, complemented by a magnificently large slice of apple pie that he was holding on a plate in his other hand. On his desk, there was a minuscule apple that he planned to use to clean his teeth. His day hadn’t been the best – just that morning, his wardrobe had fallen on him and had broken his leg – but he was slowly deciding that things were not really so bad. Then the sound of a telephone ringing broke his momentary happiness.
“Every. Single. Time.” He drained his apple cider deliberately and stretched out his hand. The telephone, which looked exactly like a flowerpot, whipped into his hand. Very much like the telephone, Officer George Babcock wasn’t of the ordinary variety. He was the sort who would ignite fires or blow up a building with a flick of his wrist – the latter needing a very significant flick of the wrist and perhaps a bit more concentration. He was the sort who seldom had to touch anything, seeing as things literally flew to do his bidding. And when his leg had broken that morning, it had been a simple matter to put it right. The officer was wielder of magic, and, along with his nephew Ruddy, grandmother Samantha, and distance relative Officer Heath, he made it his business to protect the northern United States from those who would use magic ill.
Officer Babcock impressively placed his hand four inches above the flower pot. Immediately, a slightly translucent head popped out of it.
“Ruddy,” said Officer Babcock coldly.
“Hey, Unc!” said Ruddy. “How’s things?”
“Fabulous.” Officer Babcock slid his pie into view, hoping against hope that Ruddy would get the message. “And on your end? You do have something to report, I hope?”
“Oh, yeah. I was just eating my lunch – two meals for the price of one, so I completely overstuffed. Honestly, I think I’ll need a new uniform—”
“This is an alarming report,” said Officer Babcock, glowering.
“And then I was choking on my cheeseburger, so I put forth my magical abilities…”
“I sincerely doubt that you were choking.”
“…and pulled it out, but guess what?”
“A carrier pigeon arrived from Uranus on a two-foot astroid?”
“Um, no…actually, a transparent frog hopped right through my dashboard.
“A transparent frog…”
Hopped right through my—
“Yes, yes, yes,” grumbled Officer Babcock. “Is that all?”
“No. Then a very ugly skeleton…”
“Look, Ruddy, it’s not Halloween yet.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Ruddy sounded immensely puzzled. He then quickly resumed his story. “I mean this thing was a tough customer – it was likegross – the grossest – it was unbelievably gross. There were literally like little things of rotting fle—”
“Yes, so it was ugly. Now, are you positive you aren’t making this up?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Um, Unc…”
“Okay, so first thing: what did you do with the skeleton?”
“I actually didn’t. I bellowed my head off and shot off like a rocket. But, Uncle…”
“What? You literally just are letting this thing wonder about…?”
“I wasgoing to go back and duel it – I was just phoning you first, but…”
“But what?”
“There’s this really weird cloud formation over that way. It’s like…billowing.”
“That’s it? I’d say you ought to…”
“And it’s pitch black and its spreading throughout the sky—and, Unc, help! It’s after me!” Ruddy looked abjectly panicked and the sounds of an engine revving loudly permeated the air.
What?” said Officer Babcock, profoundly annoyed. He tensed his hand and all along the walls was projected a three hundred sixty degree panorama of the area around Ruddy’s car. The scene did look suspiciously dark. And that sky…
“Time to jump into action,” he muttered. He waved his hand and the office became dark and full of abrupt metallic sounds as it was secured. Then he pressed on his watch for a few seconds and disappeared. Eight hundred miles away, Officer Babcock was suddenly present in Illinois on top of a speeding red pick-up truck that was vibrating with heavy metal music.
“Figures,” he muttered, waving good naturally at a long line of passing yellow cars. He tensed and turned invisible, and then proceeded to pound his watch urgently. A moment later, he was falling through the air toward a shiny black pickup with four exhausts and twice as many wheels, and, half a second after that, he was sitting beside Ruddy, calmly buckling his seatbelt. Ruddy looked distinctly unwell – his pale mouth was jerking spasmodically and his forehead looked very green.
“I hatestuffed pizza,” he moaned. “I ate so much and now I feel like…”
“None of that,” snapped Officer Babcock, attempting the Valsalva maneuver because his ear had decided to go funny on him. “Now, er—” His ear popped in what he decided was a good way. “About your little sky problem…” He peered out his window. “It looks like it’s spreading.” This was an understatement. The sky was almost completely obscured, which made the whole area pretty much black as pitch.
“Most of these people don’t look very panicked,” said Ruddy, looking at a slowly moving minivan.
“Probably think it’s an eclipse.”
“Even Iknow that eclipses—”
“Yeah, well, they must not.”
Ruddy cleared his throat noticeably. “So, what is it and what do we do?”
“Ah, well, in “Appendix X” of The Darker Shade, Mr. Oswald tells you all about it, doesn’t he? It’s been the preferred method for centuries.”
“Oh, yeah, right. Skeleton. Darkness. Panic mode.” Ruddy gripped the steering wheel very tightly.
“Relax. Skeletons are literally just bones with the dark forces of the blackest magic running through their marrow. Hey, just pull over into that parking lot, why don’t you?”
Ruddy nervously jerked the steering wheel and came to a smooth stop in a ditch.
“Get out,” grunted Officer Babcock. He and Ruddy both exited the car. Leaving it in the ditch, they strode over to the parking lot and looked upwards. This did them no good, as the headlights were now contrasting so sharply with the darkness that they could barely see anything at all.
“Black as…black as…black as…” chanted Ruddy.
“This honestly doesn’t look nice.” Officer Babcock shifted his weight.
“Usually reallypowerful sorcerers like to announce themselves this way.”
Exactly. And we can’t count on much help. The PIDOCC are off in another world.”
“Maybe you should call in Great-grandma?”
“If there’s a bloodbath, she’ll know.”
Ruddy wobbled very pronouncedly. “Um, are we just going to stand here, or…?”
“Well, it’s a bit late to try and prevent anybody noticing this. And, if you notice, the darkness is an all-consuming nightmare – look at the headlights – see, they’re almost gone – I think we pretty much ought to just stand here.”
Ruddy’s voice came out of the darkness. “What do we do a-after that?” He pretended to clear his throat.
Officer Babcock shrugged, which did Ruddy no good. “Let’s try and make some light, shall we?”
“Can’t we just leave?” moaned Ruddy.
“No.” Officer Babcock ground out some mumblings. Huge pillars of multicolored light sprang up around them, spiraling in the air, and bursting merrily like fireworks. “That’s better, isn’t it?”
“I can see!” cried Ruddy ardently.
“That’s generally the effect of having light reflecting off objects into your eyes.”
“Right? But now what d’we do?”
“Haven’t you asked me that almost five times already? How’s this? I. Have. No. Clue.
Words failed Ruddy as he spluttered in shock. “I need gingerbread,” he weakly intoned.
Officer Babcock allowed himself a harsh laugh. “I don’t like this one bit. C’mon.” He seized Ruddy’s arm, the extremities of which were turning an alarming shade of purple, and they were instantly standing on a building closer to the middle of the town.
“Look how slow traffic’s going,” muttered Ruddy.
“My light over there isn’t exactly inconspicuous…I should have made it look more like a thunderstorm. That’s actually not such a bad idea! Ruddy, storm away. Get everybody distracted.”
“Er, right.” Ruddy whipped his hand toward the sky and a wooden ruler appeared in it. “Storm, I summon you by my immense power to come forth…”
“Shush,” said Officer Babcock irritably. He waved his hand and a bolt of lightning struck in the distance.
Ruddy didn’t shush. With a final “…and strike with all the might that is possible by your force into the heart of the geographical location that I command you,” he managed to summon some harmless sparks on a shiny black limousine.
“Nice one, Ruddy,” growled Officer Babcock. “Ah, there!” Three lightning bolts struck in different areas, each one sending pulsing light radiating back into the sky. “Now we can go see what exactly is going on. Where did you see the skeleton?”
“Um…I dunno.”
“Lead the way!”
“I said I—”
“Lead it anyway! We’re bound to find something.”
“Okay. Just let me…” A giant flashlight clicked on in Officer Babcock’s face.
“That you?” asked Ruddy. “Good. Let’s go, then.” They teleported off the building and walked aimlessly on top of cars as Ruddy attempted to get his bearings. Another flash of lightning lit up the area briefly. “I almost recognize that bank,” said Ruddy firmly.
“Let’s have at it.”
In a split second, they were in its parking lot, staring.
“Next landmark?” inquired Officer Babcock.
“Well…I was almost going to say—oh, never mind,” Ruddy amended at the advent of another brilliant flash. “This isn’t a bank. This is exactly the right place.”
“Where’s the skeleton, then?”
“Don’t the armies usually arrive in number quicker than this?” asked Ruddy in reply.
“Yes, that’s why I’m inclined to think that this is more of a probe. Or possibly even a diversion.”
“Hm. So, now…”
“Wondering aimlessly through the town’s probably the most amusing thing at the moment. I’m kind of hoping we’ll be ambushed.”
“Oh.” Ruddy shined the flashlight in his uncle’s face again. “This is really boring, Unc.”
“It’s nostalgic. Now, Ruddy, without looking behind you, why don’t you just take, say, five steps to your left?”
Ruddy did so, looking confused. Officer Babcock sprang forth with alarming rapidity. There was a colossal, soundless eruption of light, and bones flew everywhere. Officer Babcock chuckled grimly. “That’s more the ticket.”
Ruddy turned around. “Wha…?”
“See, ambush! And the stupidest ambush ever! Let me at ’em.” Officer Babcock grabbed a bone and peered at it carefully. “Um…nope.” He picked up another. “Useless.” Throwing them both over his shoulder, he dived forward and began to analyze each bone.
Ruddy was left to stare at the random individuals who were beginning to appear. Nervously turning off his flashlight, he looked up at the quickly brightening sky with feigned disbelief.
“I think this is it! You should feel this raw dark energy,” yelled Officer Babcock. Ruddy peered very intently at the sky.
Officer Babcock walked up to him. “Let’s go. Bright, sunny day, isn’t it?” He grabbed his nephew be the shoulder and steered him behind a building, where they once again teleported, this time back to the office, which quickly illuminated itself.
Officer Babcock thunked the bone on a table and threw a ball of light over it. “This is the answer to all our troubles. He pulled a large twig out of his pocket and tapped the bone. A black mass swirled out of it. “This, Ruddy, is the answer to all our troubles.”
“You said that already,” stated Ruddy. “Anyway, we don’t really havetroubles.”
“On the contrary. Whatever new dark wizard this is, I’d say he’s your typical, boring villain, but I’d also say he’s the sort that likes hide-and-seek.”
“Well, most people do.”
“This is true. But it’s so much more aggravatingwhen a villain decides to give it a go.”
“Well, that’s obvious.”
“I took the liberty of sealing the bones, trapping the essential nature of the power that gives them life. This, my dear young nephew” – he stuck the bone under Ruddy’s nose – “contains a sample of it.”
“It tickles my nose hair.”
“That’s disgusting,” said Officer Babcock, swiftly drawing the bone away. “Now, just give me a tick.”
“Okay.” Ruddy took a step backward and sat on the air and then, abruptly, the floor. “Ow!”
“That’s ramification for you,” muttered Officer Babcock, working swiftly with his twig and trapping dark mist in four different rings. He pocketed two and threw one over his back. Ruddy caught it disbelievingly and got up slowly, grimly massaging his lower back. “I’m not wearing this,” he protested.
“Why not?” said Officer Babcock dangerously, throwing the bone into a safe.
“It’s jewelry. You know, like a nose ring or something. There’s no way I’m wearing it.”
“This is nothing like a nose ring,” said Officer Babcock, looking at his. “It’s a compass.”
“Why couldn’t you make it look like a compass, then?”
“That would be too mundane.”
“This is jewelry,” repeated Ruddy.
“Just pretend you got married and shut up, won’t you?”
Ruddy’s jaw twitched with uncontrollable indignation and he sulkily shoved the ring on. “Agh! It’s cold as ice. Hold on – you didn’t make this a hot or cold sort of thing, did you?”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that, but kind of.”
“That’s stupid.”
“No time to make anything more complicated,” snarled Officer Babcock, grinning broadly. “Off we pop!”
“That’s stupid,” mumbled Ruddy, reassuringly patting himself on the back. “Reallystupid.”
They both warped through the wall and stared up and down the street.
Officer Babcock waved his twig and two other people appeared in front of them.
“That was prompt,” said Officer Babcock, almost impressed. “Hello, hello, hello. We have a problem.” Ruddy self-consciously hid his hands behind his back.
“We know, actually,” said his grandmother.
“Yeah,” sighed Officer Heath. “Grandma and I have been tracking ghosts all day.”
“All day?” demanded Officer Babcock. “I—”
“I definitely wasn’t tracking them all day. I was in Florence!” Grandma said.
Officer Heath sighed again. “It sure seemed like it was all day.”
“Yeah, well, put on these rings, and we’ll get to some serious tracking.” Officer Babcock enthusiastically threw their rings at them.
“Very nice, dear,” said Grandma appreciatively. She began decorating it with tiny paw-prints.
Officer Heath meanwhile looked at it sadly. “I can’t put this on…”
“Even Ruddy did!” yelled Officer Babcock.
“Only because of aggravated and cruel coercion,” said Ruddy.
“Well,” moaned Officer Heath, “rings make my hand itchy.”
“What?” Officer Babcock looked blankly at him and then waved his concern away. “Never mind. All’s well that ends well – that’s what Grandma used to say.”
“But that was before…” began Grandma.
Officer Babcock cleared his throat. “Warmer!” He began walking down the road. “Warmer! Warmer! Warmer! Warmer! You know, I almost think it’s a touch colder. Hm. Oh, yes, warmer!”
“I think he woke up this morning and cracked his knave’s pate,” muttered Officer Heath.
“You and me both, sir,” said Ruddy.
“We both what?”
“Think he—”
“Oh.”
Officer Babcock turned around. “Definitelycolder! Well, what about it, Grandma, fellows? Pick a direction. Divide and conquer!”
“Poor guy,” said Grandma sadly. “It seems like there’s a better way.” She headed off eastward.
“Do us a favor and keep an eye on your uncle, Ruddy,” said Officer Heath. “If he starts foaming at the mouth or having hallucinations or whistling like a madman or referring to himself in the third person—well, just know that we’re there for you, okay? Hot or cold, seriously…” He disappeared.
Officer Babcock looked back at Ruddy. “Ruddy, come on this way. It’s definitely getting warmer.” Ruddy reluctantly joined his uncle, who was brightly studying little white spots that were moving around on the small green stone mounted in his ring. “If we time things just right,” Officer Babcock went on, “Grandma and Heath will turn up just as we’re about to be destroyed. The element of surprise will be tenfold at that moment.”
“Right…” gulped Ruddy.
“See, the fact is this: There is a small group of these things about two miles that way. And we’re going to go take it out.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever, fine.”
“Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Hm. No improvement. A touch this way…and, yes, that did—warmer. Warmer. Warmer. COOOOLDER!!!!
Ruddy jumped in terror. “Mine doesn’t feel duch mifferent…much different.”
“You’re not concentrating properly.”
“My eyes are rolling in their sockets. I’m suddenly realizing I’m mortally afraid of skeletons.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re really not. If you were, we’d put you through systematic desensitization later, but there’s no time now. Because we are definitely hotter. I think maybe some little detachment is heading toward us.”
Ruddy nervously whipped out his ruler. “Ready when you are, chief.”
“I’m not the chief,” said an aghast Officer Babcock. “We’re a cooperative.”
“And when were you going to tell me?” demanded Ruddy, throwing back his shoulders and brushing lint off his sleeve.
“I thought I did—but don’t let it go to your head. I’m senior officer.”
“Oh, great.” Ruddy slumped again. “Say, actually, myring is getting hot.”
“I think, just around this corner…oh, yes…” They were suddenly standing face to face with a score of transparent warriors.
“Ghosts!” yelped Ruddy.
“Oh, yes, just let the enemy know you’re terrified.”
“It’s my strategy,” whispered Ruddy hoarsely.
“Good. Here we go.Officer Babcock’s twig suddenly became a stout walking stick. “Time for cardio!” Into the ghosts he recklessly plunged.
“That’s the spirit, Unc! Pun unintentional! Aah! Watch out. Those spectral blades look sharp!”
“Initiating vacuum maneuver! These things are weak and pathetic, mindless robots bent to the will of an amateur magician.” In a less than impressive movement, the ghosts were suddenly sucked up into his staff.
“Just distill them a bit,” muttered Officer Babcock, shaking the staff slowly just as several motorists cruised past. Yawning, he added, “Next stop: that hotel.” He pointed to a large building that was beginning to sprout inky fog.
Booooooring. This whole operation is very erratic, y’know. What are we going to do, go across the whole country with you shouting, ‘Warmer! Warmer! Warmer! Frigid!’?”
“Until we find culprit A,” said Officer Babcock.
“This is very stupid. This is so incredibly dumb. And why exactly do I have to wear this stupid ring?
“If I become decapitated, you might need it. Use your senses, boy.” Officer Babcock, apparently forgetting he could teleport, shot off at a run.
“Funny how words work, really,” muttered Ruddy, trying to keep up. “He said, ‘decapitated,’ when he clearly meant ‘incapacitated.’”
“I did not.” Officer Babcock slowed his pace a little.
“But you cut through those ghosts like a bulldozer through a bath towel. I honestly don’t get the problem.”
“I know,” murmured Officer Babcock dismally, “but you can always hope.”
“Hope? Look, how about I’mthe one behind these ghosts and stuff; then we can just go back and—”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“No, literally, look, I’m just as likely as the next wizard. Look!” A shadowy projectile with a black, smoky trail shot from Ruddy’s hand and blew up part of the road. “Oops.”
Officer Babcock stopped running to fix it with several dramatic flourishes. “Don’t do that, please.” And off he went again.
“I even offered conclusive evidence,” Ruddy said. Shaking his head, he teleported four feet in front of Officer Babcock and tried to run like a cheetah. By the time they finally reached the hotel, Officer Babcock far in the lead, incorporeal shapes were pouring from the windows.
“Admittedly,” said Ruddy, “this is looking spooky.”
“No, it doesn’t,” rejoined Officer Babcock. “Honestly, what is less spooky than little puffs of steam coming out of windows in the middle of the morning? Look. Nobody’s noticed it yet.” He was gripping his stick so tightly that his entire hand was bloodless. His other hand became occupied in pointing at a taxi.
“It’s almost noon,” said Ruddy suddenly, looking at a random clock across the road, “but that’s beside the point.”
“Yes, it is. Let us proceed. Protective barriers up!” Officer Babcock began chucking very solid looking symbols out of his fingertips. They burned a dull blue against the pavement. “Door cautiously opened!”
“It has one of those…” Ruddy turned his hand vaguely.
“Revolving doors? Where?”
“On the other side.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
The door was impressively built and also very slow.
“I hate these,” whimpered Ruddy.
“What are you even doing? One person at a time – don’t you get that these are for one…?”
“Well, I can’t help it. I’m stuck.”
“Well, so am I, now that you mention it.”
“Ow, I think it’s going to take my leg off. It’s still trying to move. Oh, look, trouble.”
“In the form of an incensed bouncer, for that matter.” Officer Babcock yawned.
The doorman slouched over with both eyebrows down and a very nasty smile on his face. He stopped in front of the door, his nostrils flaring ominously. He pointed a remote deliberately, and then the door jerked backward, throwing both officers of magical law enforcement into a distinguished gentleman who had been waiting very politely behind them.
“Sorry,” said the gentlemen, helping them up in turn and offering them a clothes brush. “So sorry. My fault. Should have looked where I was going. Pardon me. Please, you first.” He gestured toward the door.
Officer Babcock gave his sleeve a ceremonial swipe with the brush, handed it back, thanking the man courteously, and stomped off toward the door. Ruddy grinned conversationally and then followed him. Once inside, they were faced with a fresh dilemma.
“How may I help you?” taunted the doorman. “You can check inover there…” He waved vaguely around a corner.
“Um, did you happen to notice that there is something like smoke pouring out of your windows.”
“No. And I assure you, sirs, I would have noticed.”
“There actually is something coming out of those windows,” said the polite fellow, who had quietly come through the doors. “A bit alarming, actually.” He bowed and ambled around the bend.
The bouncer began to swell angrily. “Is this a hoax? It had better not be…you should see what I did…I’m wealthy, y’know…I know a good lawyer. Destroyedthat prankster!”
Officer Babcock casually waved his hand and the doorman fell asleep, got up, and trudged unrealistically through the revolving doors to the parking lot, where he promptly folded over double and began to snore.
“Pompous bully,” said Officer Babcock. “That’s my honest—but let’s go see about these ghosts, shall we? Let’s go invisible.” He pressed his watch and vanished. Ruddy did the same. It was a very simple exercise to sneak past the front desk and up a flight of stairs that lead into a hallway. Not so simple was the fact that the hallway was packed with ghosts. They darted into the shadows as soon as Officer Babcock’s head appeared. Then, the room went very dark and the blinds of a giant window opposite them fell with a strangely quiet crash.
“That is actually a bit frightening,” laughed Ruddy.
“You’re kidding, right?” Officer Babcock was beaming. “You’ve already seen the ghosts! Not remotely scary.”
“Excuse me,” said the gentleman with a clothes brush, seemingly directly in front of them. “You did just say ‘ghosts,’ did you not?”
“Uh…” Officer Babcock. He pounded the floor and his walking staff let out a weak glow. “Actually, yes, I…” The gleam suddenly revealed what was unmistakably a skeletal foot, standing just in front of them. Officer Babcock coughed suddenly and yelled an extremely loud, indistinct word. Amazingly radiant beams of light lit up the room and the freshly revealed skeleton blew apart into innumerable bits.
“That is to say—!” began the gentleman energetically – he had been standing directly behind the skeleton. “How extraordinary. I thoughtI had seen a bunch of ghosts when I had first ascended. I am a most dedicated practitioner of phasmophobia and am at this moment rooted to these two floorboards in abject terror and astonishment, feeling almost as if my entire body has been paralyzed, though I know it cannot be so, and—”
“Team Fazo-phobia,” interrupted Ruddy, holding out his hand as if he wanted a high-five.
“Okay,” said Officer Babcock frowningly. “The magician behind this is weak in everything but summoning darkness. Out we go.” His light disappeared.
“My fear of ghosts,” said the gentlemen, “can sometimes manifest itself to act strangely similar to nyctophobia and I am sorrowful to announce my condition is now, if possible, far worse than it was before.”
“My apologies,” ground out Officer Babcock. “I—” A sound like a horse whinnying resonated directly behind him.
“Hey!” he screamed. A large pulse of light spread through the room from his hand, revealing nothing.
“The brief spurt of light gave me excess energy and now I feel distinctly unwell,” said the gentlemen. “Can I have a chair?”
“Ja!” said a gruff voice. A dull scraping drew near and then stopped with a sudden splash.
“Before we all go mad with the horror I am sure we are at this point feeling,” murmured the gentleman weakly, “I would just like to say that my name is Paul – Paul Hoover.”
“R-ruddy Ba-ba-b’bcock. P-pleasure!”
“Officer George K. Babcock who is d-d-d—that is, not afraid of ghosts—or phantoms—or specters—or wraiths—or apparitions—or amputations.” Officer Babcock said the last word in a cleverly disguised gruff wail, just as there were a loud whistling noise and a cry of pain. Something crashed on the floor and rolled.
“Do you need a light?” asked a gruff voice at his elbow. An evil-looking match with an oddly thick flame extended out of the darkness.
“No, I do not need a light,” said Officer Babcock hotly. “Ruddy. We must put ourselves into an easier position. I shall summon aid.”
“Give us the o’clock, gov’ner,” whined a voice.
“Hands of my wristwatch – band made in the U.S. and all—ugh!”
“What!?” yelled Ruddy.
“Rotten flesh. Slimy. LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!” Officer Babcock once again produced huge amounts of light – the room was empty except for the three of them.
Paul Hoover was swaying slightly. “Quite faint, actually. Excuse me, but I think I had better lie down.” He turned and disappeared into the wall.
“Did you see?” barked Officer Babcock. “Did you see?” But Ruddy was occupied in staring beyond him mutely. Wincing, Officer Babcock whipped around. “’Oosthere?”
There stood before them a skull with tiny little legs sticking out of its bottom.
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Officer Babcock.
“Do you think so?” grated an indistinguishable voice from the skull. “How about not two minutes ago, when your little light was out? Scream like a banshee, wouldn’t you, if I had appeared then?” The scull waddled toward him in a completely ludicrous fashion. “Do you know what I am?”
“You’re a skull,” stated Officer Babcock. “With stupid little legs.”
“I am not justa skull, no. I was once a powerful human. I defied the universe. I have crushed entropy. I shall live forever…or so I thought. Reading too many fiction books, wasn’t I? Now look at me – a skull, with stupid little legs. Is sad, no?”
“I am currently feeling no pity for you.”
“I brought you here for a reason. Blotted out the sky, scattered a paltry number of my forces, animated solely by my power – or so I thought – even decorated this ‘hotel.’” The skull, suddenly floating, stuck its stupid legs up in what was apparently a form of air quotes.
“Hey,” said Ruddy appreciatively. “You could have been a talented gymnast.”
“Don’t be stupid,” snapped the skull, putting its legs firmly back where they belonged. “I’ve got my oration still to deliver. Anyway, I did all these things, but I have forgotten why I did them. It comes of having no brain – no neurons – no memory except what I can scrape together – but you can’t understand that – you haven’t studied the Black Arts – you are young and innocent, though you stole pies when you were five.” It pointed a leg at Officer Babcock, who looked strangely horrified.
“Oh, yes,” said the skull, waddling a bit closer. “I know your thoughts. I know your mind. Apple cider, eh? I remember the taste.” It then turned and stared at the far wall. “Look what I have built. No, this hotel – not impressive at all, is it?”
“It’s alright,” said Ruddy hastily. “I think maybe your rotating door can use some—HELP!”The door to the room next to him suddenly slammed open, revealing beds with myriad rows of corpses.
“Takes my hotel down a star or two, doesn’t it? You wouldn’t recommend it to your friends now, would you? Disgusting, isn’t it? Soak it in, youth. This is the end I tried to avoid.” The door slowly shut. Ruddy looked rather greenish yellow.
“This is disturbing,” said Officer Babcock quickly. “Listen, you’d better have a pretty good explanation for where you gotall those corpses…”
“Ha ha. Don’t worry, officer, I’m no murderer. I dug them up and…reconstructed. I need to find out how lifeworks.”
“Oh,” said Ruddy, turning a much healthier hue. “That’s easy. See, it all centers around this process called respiration. The—”
“Don’t bore me with science, idiot, I’m looking for deeper stuff – you wouldn’t understand – you’re not the philosophizing type.”
“Honestly, respiration is pretty deep.”
“Well, this is still disturbing,” said Officer Babcock after a moment’s silence. “And the health regulations around here are down the toilet, so I’m just taking you in.”
“Taking me in where? This building is your world now. You can build a little jail in there if you like.” The skull nodded meaningfully at a door. “Just coffins in there. Been meaning to put them in the basement for ages.”
There was another silence. “You is absolutely mental!” cried Ruddy finally.
“No. I am brainless. I am no longer capable of emotion. I think I did something wrong. My dog ate some of the instructions.”
“No longer capable of emotion? Everything’s gotta have emotion,” said Ruddy.
“Not I. Now, while I go take over the world, shall I lock you away, or what?”
“What happened to that polite gentlemen?” asked Officer Babcock suddenly. “The one who disappeared into the wall.”
“I regret him sorely,” said the skull tonelessly. “He was a human who happened upon this hotel – which he shouldn’t have been able to. I have no idea how he did it, but, quite suddenly, he melted and rose as a ghost. He’s honestly the strangest thing. Gives me the creeps, really. Awful creeps. He comes in every day, just as polite as can be – I can’t be rid of him! Driving me nutters.”
“Hang on!” yelled Ruddy. “Creeps – how are you having creeps if you don’t have emotion?”
“Creeps aren’t an emotion.”
“Yeah they are; they’re kind of a compound emotion.”
“They are not.”
“They are.”
“Yeah, and why don’t you prove it!?” yelled the skull.
“Dead giveaway. That was outrage, right there!”
“No. I was raising my voice to get you to shut up.”
Officer Babcock had pulled out a gun during this argument and at this moment fired at the skull. There was a burst of light, and it was suddenly trapped in an enormous, glittering glass ball.
“What good did that do?” said the skull. “You cannot stop me. I have brooded here in hiding for enough time. I musttake over the world. I have no purpose otherwise. My life is wasted.”
“That’s degrading,” said Ruddy, “the way you seem to think humans are just your little Matchbox cars to play with. It’s just degrading.”
“I do not care. I am not capable of caring. I do wish I could remember why I called you here.” The skull stared at them for a moment.
“You didn’t call,” said Officer Babcock irritably. “Let’s see…where’s my watch?”
“I do not know,” said the skull. “That was a lie,” it added as an afterthought, “but I have no guilt.”
“Will you shut it with your self-pity? You’d better tell me where my watch is—”
“Little Karen probably ate it. Amazing how she can put metal down that rotten gullet of hers.”
“Ew! You named one of your zombies Karen?” said Ruddy in disgust. “That’s sick.”
Officer Babcock belatedly began to seethe. “I’m starting to loathe you, y’know that? That watch had a piece of metal in it that was passed down in my family for five, possibly eight generations. Let’s see what you make of this!” He glared at the skull and raised his stick. It shattered.
WILL YOU QUIT?” he bellowed. Red symbols pulsed around him and spiraled into the ceiling in a rather sensational display of power. They ripped through the ceiling effortlessly, revealing a cloudless roof. Further destruction revealed more cloudless roof. Even more advanced destruction revealed a third instance of cloudless roof. The symbols died.
“Okay, okay,” said Officer Babcock furiously. “Did I say I loathe you? Well, I changed my mind. If I wasn’t in my official capacity, I would speak it – out loud and boldly, too.”
“I care neither one way nor the other how you feel about me,” said the skull. “I shall go about my business similarly in either case.”
“For your own good,” said Ruddy, “you really ought to just come with us – get you help with your, uh, unhealthy obsessions.”
“No,” said the skull. “You shall stay here. I will go conquer the world. Beginning now. Remove the shield from around my shape, George Babcock. No, you cannot teleport away. There is no chance of escape. Loose me or you will die. If you do not, perhaps I’ll kill you, maybe thirst will.”
“I should think I won’t let you out,” snarled Officer Babcock. “Ruddy, find a way out of this place.”
Ruddy immediately headed toward the stairs. “Um, these go down into a basement now…”
“There is noway out,” said the skull, “unless I provide it. Now, release me immediately, or I shall order your death by decapitation. I desire to see how swiftly I can overpower my old race.”
“Demented,” said Officer Babcock. He began chucking symbols all over the place again.
“Those are useless against me,” said the skull. “Well, I order your death by decapitation.”
“No, thanks,” said Ruddy in an absurdly mild voice.
“If you do not want death by decapitation, I suggest you talk sense into your uncle. I will give you two minutes.”
“Um, Uncle…”
Officer Babcock paid no heed. He instead began sending crackling bolts of energy at the glass ball. These passed through it and bounced harmlessly off the skull.
“Um, Uncle,” said Ruddy, pointing. “Very intimidating ske—!”
“No time. Busy. Do you still have your watch?”
“No.”
“Whoever heard of a zombie eating watches, anyway?” Uncle Babcock was finally forced to stop with his bolts, seeing as an enormous skeleton had nearly chopped his head in half with what looked to be an ancient car part. He brutally destroyed the pugnacious automaton with his gun. “Honestly, I don’t think this is the ideal situation.” He glared at Ruddy. “Any thoughts?”
“Release me,” demanded the skull.
“No,” Uncle Babcock hissed.
“Maybe there’s a way out through the basement?” Ruddy peered anxiously down the stairs.
“There isn’t,” said the skull.
“And why’d you decide you want to attack the world just when we come, anyway?” asked Officer Babcock.
“That is such a stupid question. Seeing as I am just now prepared to launch my campaign, I removed my opposition. No, I am not at all concerned about your Grandmother and Mr. Heath. I have confiscated them.”
Officer Babcock went berserk. With one magically enhanced bound, he was at the skull. A painfully intense ray of light erupted from his hand into the glass prison. In an instant, he had fallen over, nearly senseless. The skull calmly toddled forward.
“You forced my hand,” it said serenely, before walking off down the hallway and disappearing into a doorway that suddenly opened in the wall.
“This is such a stupidsituation,” said Ruddy, staring after the skull. The next instant, the floor gave a loud crack and both officers found themselves falling for a distance and then were in pitch darkness.
“Ow,” said Ruddy sorrowfully. “I think I splintered my tailbone.”
“You didn’t,” growled Officer Babcock. “Give us some light, will you?”
Ruddy wordlessly conjured a bright purple sphere and threw it into the air. “Looks like we’re in the basement.”
“Well, yes…”
“Only there aren’t any stairs now.”
“And there’s a maniac loose.”
“Maniac?” scoffed Ruddy. “A good bit more than a maniac, I think. That skull is insane. I mean, some people are a little off their cedar chest, but this skull—it’s lethally mad.”
“I am not accustomed to being helpless.”
“Well, I’m not accustomed to you being helpless, either.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you to say so.”
“No, it’s just true.”
“It’s the thought that counts. Thought, thought, thought…RUDDY!!!!!
Ruddy fell over the air compressor he was sitting on. “According to the Postulates of Mallon – letsee – RUDDY!!!– Ruddy, we need that polite, ghostly gentleman.”
Something thumped on the floor above their heads, followed by a series of loud groans and clinks, which died away shortly.
“How are we going to get him?”
“Who?” asked Officer Babcock, whose overactive mind was already far remote from polite gentlemen.
“Paul Hoover.”
“Oh, right, him…”
“How long have we been down here?”
“Probably about two minutes?”
“Say,” said Ruddy suddenly, “I have an idea. No, actually, I don’t.” He sighed and pulled out his phone. “Hey! Free Wi-Fi!”
“Free Wi-Fi?” repeated Officer Babcock dully. “Watch out for untrustworthiness.”
“But this is neat. The GPS can’t locate us.”
“Obviously.”
A dull clunk sounded and suddenly a shaft of light cut into the darkness.
“Eek, a rat,” said Ruddy rather boredly. He swiped again at his phone.
Officer Babcock, on the other hand, cartwheeled to the light and looked upwards. “Why, hello, Mr. Hoover! We were just talking about you.”
“Oh, there you are,” said Mr. Hoover, “after all these years.”
“Years?” said Officer Babcock sharply. “What years?”
“So sorry, didn’t mean to offend – here, take this rope.”
“No time, sorry—Ruddy!” Officer Babcock shot up like a torpedo.
“That was easy,” said Ruddy, quickly following him.
“Indeed. Mr. Hoover, we are entirely grateful.”
“I am glad to be of assistance, but I fear you are not who I am looking for. Did you see anybody else down there?”
“No.”
C’est la vie!” said the gentleman, heaving a deep sigh. “Maybe back in Europe…G’day.”
“Wait!” said Ruddy. “Who exactly are you looking for?”
“I really couldn’t tell you; I almost found—but I am so afraid of ghosts.”
“Did it ever occur to you that you’re a ghost?”
“I don’t think of it that way.” He heaved another deep sigh. “So sorry to keep you fellows; I’ll be on my way.”
“Um,” said Officer Babcock, “how do we get out of this miserable place?”
“You take the old way,” said Paul. “Here, I’ll show you.” He led them through a door and, quite suddenly, they were back in the city, next to a very old tin can. Paul stood serenely in front of them, smiling. “Here we are. Back in the world again.”
Ruddy stopped down to the tin can. “I get a funny feeling about this,” he said.
“You think that is the hotel we were just in?”
“You never know.”
“Stand back.” Officer Babcock waved his hand and the can imploded before violently disintegrating. Immediately, a shadowy spiral reached upwards from the spot, quickly becaming lost in the sky.
Ruddy watched it fade away. “Intuition, right?”
“Gentlemen,” said Paul Hoover, who was now actually looking insubstantial. “I have just remembered – I wasn’t looking for somebody. I was looking for something. I’m a litterer,” he suddenly burst out. “A common, lowly litterer. Without a care in the world, I threw thatcan into a ditch. But now it is destroyed. Thank you, sirs – now I have rest.” He turned and disappeared into a utility pole.
“Nifty!” said Ruddy. “What now?”
“We need to find the raving lunatic of a skull.”
“What about Grandma and—”
“I’m honestly not at all concerned.”
“Oh.”
“Where would you go if you were a raving lunatic of a skull? Hm, let’s just dash over to the office and get some fresh supplies, shall we? Grab hold!”
A few minutes later, they were overloaded with gear. Officer Babcock’s new watch was covered with defensive engravings.
“Nobody will be removing this thing in a hurry,” he said with resolve. “All set, Ruddy?”
Ruddy gave him the thumbs up.
“One, two, three—hit it!” Officer Babcock and Ruddy both pounded their watches and again teleported, directly back to where the tin can was. “All right. We need to move fast.”
“Right!” Ruddy whipped out his phone and began to dedicatedly swipe at its screen, his jaw set.
“Whatever works,” muttered Officer Babcock. He meanwhile began to mutter under his breath, pointing a stout baton at the ground. A blur of only slightly visible blue footprints appeared. “We’ve got them now.”
“No need for that,” said Ruddy. “They’re besieging the town hall over in…Peggr? Is that even a name? No, it’s Pelgg…”
“Well, we don’t know where that is, do we? Come on…”
“I could—” began Ruddy, but Officer Babcock was already loping along, more blue footprints appearing as he progressed.
“Well, have it your own way,” muttered Ruddy darkly, before taking off after him.

Five minutes later, they were still zooming along the oddly empty streets, only now they were riding on self-balancing unicycles that Ruddy had strapped on his back. The footprints were turning purple. A minute later, the footprints were orange.
“Just—oh, stop here.” A lone zombie was walking in circles directly in front of them. Both officers crashed their unicycles into a ditch, seeing as they didn’t really know how to stop them, and Officer Babcock blew them up.
“That was a waste,” said Ruddy.
“It was, wasn’t it?” Officer Babcock sounded a bit surprised at himself. “I suppose my adrenaline’s going.” Ruddy shrugged in agreement. Then they approached the zombie.
“You’re an ugly fellow, aren’t you,” said Officer Babcock.
“Un-der-state-ment,” said Ruddy.
“Yeah, well, begone!” The zombie fell limply the ground.
“That wasn’t so hard,” said Ruddy approvingly.
“Come on.” A bit of sprinting later, they came upon the thick of things. An army of skeletons, animated corpses, a few vampires, and some ghosts – the latter two just hiding in the shadows for the most part – were taking up most of the area. An admirable defensive force of police formed a barrier and a solid-looking politician type bounced around behind them shouting indistinguishable words. Out of just about every window stuck one or two heads. Everybody seemed to be pretending they had always known this would happen.
“This is hilarious,” said Ruddy.
“This is dreadful.” Officer Babcock looked a touch grave – the effect, however, was ruined by his pronounced half smile. “The secret elements of magic are revealed.”
“Bah,” said Ruddy, “it’s happened before! What’s our strategy?”
“Just divide and conquer a bit until Grandma and Heath escape, then we’ll see. They’re really stupid, this army – look at all these useless soldiers; they’re only pressing on one front!” Officer Babcock ran into the back of the enemy. Ruddy took a step backward and began yelling at the top of his voice, drawing his ruler. “I HEREBY CLAIM CONTROL OF THE PURE POWER OF LIGHT TO VANQUISH THIS UNDEAD HOST…”
As he was going through all this, Officer Babcock was alternatively blasting and reallyblasting with his baton.
“That’ll show ’em,” yelled the political-looking fellow from the behind the police officers.
A band of a few heavily armored skeletons noticed Ruddy and turned to clank toward him.
Ruddy somehow raised his voice. “…AND TO BLAST THEM WITH ITS ETHEREAL SHAFTS. LET THEM BE DESTROYED AND PURGED FROM THE EARTH, AS IS FITTING FOR THE ABOMINATION THAT IS THEIR LIFE.”He finally stopped to stare hopefully at the skeleton that now peered into his face mutely. “Nice draugr,” he croaked.
It swung the two maces it was holding. Ruddy instinctively threw himself to the earth. Much less instinctively, he began to glow. It wasn’t an ordinary electrical or combustive glow. It was a consuming, piercing glow, stupendously majestic. And then it grew. It’s movement was both fluid and somehow alive. Without at all slowing down, it silently engulfed the skeletons and then spread easily into the army.
“Hey,” said Ruddy shakily, “it worked. Who knew?” He sank down, rather dizzy.
Officer Babcock, who was caught in a headlock by a very well preserved bodybuilder and was battling the telekinesis of two enthusiastic ghosts, turned at the advent of the light and stared. “Ruddy!” he shouted. “What did you…?” He then turned back to grin obstinately at a skeleton that was advancing with axe raised. A second later, all his opponents were purged from the earth due to the abomination that was their life, and he felt himself comfortably floating to the ground. “Well done, Ruddy, I say! Well done! Bravo! Top job. Pay raise! That’s what I say.” He leaped up and looked down at the streets, on which no abomination remained. “Wasn’t that tidy?” The white light softly dematerialized.
“The hoaxes people do these days, eh!?” Officer Babcock yelled loudly at the sky. “Wouldn’t have believed it!” He rushed off, seized Ruddy, who was still looking rather dazed, and teleported away unto a random roof.
“That, nephew, was incredible.”
“Right?” said Ruddy, blinking a lot. He tried to stand and found, rather to his shock, that he could. “Tell me you didn’t find that majorly impressive.”
“No can do.”
“Look, that person is calmly walking their dog down there.”
“Yes indeed. Now about your pay raise. Twelve-hundredths percent, do you think?”
“Really, I’d be happy with a point seven.”
“What, you want our whole organization to go broke?”
“You probably give yourself plenty of pay raises!”
“I do not! And, anyway, we’re democratic, so Idon’t give the pay raises.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Not so!”
“Well, then, I vote I get a two point seven percent increase.” Ruddy raised his hand.
“That’s almost double! Oh, fine, I second—hold on! Where’s the others?”
“Where’s the others? Where’s the skull with the stupid legs?”
“That is true. Not done yet, are we?”
“Bah, I’ll just blast it.” Ruddy sniffed pompously.
“Watch your attitude. The Pure Light doesn’t like people who sniff too much like that.”
“Oh, right. Bother. Now I’ll have to give my two point seven percent increase to the poor.”
“Serves you right. Now, let’s see.” Officer Babcock began tapping on his watch. “Yes, right. I hope I’m not wrong about this.” With a spectacular jump, he dived from the building.
“Uncle!” yelped Ruddy, stumbling over to peer down to the street. Officer Babcock had landed directly on top of the man he had seen walking the dog.
“That confirmed my worst fears, you know,” yelled Ruddy. “I just knew that would happen.”
“Relax, we’ve caught our skull.” Officer Babcock thrust a glowing hand into the man’s face and the illusion promptly dissolved. The dog remained, beating its tail wildly.
“Now, skull,” spat Officer Babcock. “What have you to say for yourself, eh? Tables turned, are they? Army destroyed, is it? Maybe that army was your strength. You wouldn’t be the first to use others for power, would you?”
“Not much,” said the skull dully. “I suppose they are,” it continued. “Yes, it is. Some of it. No, of course I would not.”
“Now the real question is what to do with you…”
“Throw me to the pigs; have a laugh as they trample me. Or chuck me into the ocean. I care not…my life is meaningless now.”
“What you need,” said Ruddy loudly, “is some good, old-fashioned therapy – i.e., a cat.”
“What, are you crazy?” Officer Babcock hollered back. “As soon as this thing saw the poor kitty, exit cat, enter animated mummy.”
“That is true,” said the skull.
“Oh, really. Just disenchant the thing.”
“I care not if you do,” sniffed the skull haughtily.
“Say,” said Ruddy. “You just sniffed haughtily. There’s got to be some emotions behind that.”
“No, haughtiness is a portrayal of anti-emotion.”
“Have it your own way.”
“I will never have it my way. Draw swords.” A flashy blue sword materialized in the air beside the skull and it started to run.
“Oh, no you don’t!” yelled Officer Babcock. “Ruddy! Teleport! Roadblock!” He took off running. “That thing can move.” Barking excitedly, the dog dashed past him.
Aieeeeeeee!” screamed Ruddy from a distance. Officer Babcock recklessly hurled himself into teleportation and appeared just inches from where Ruddy was lying on the shoulder of a road, writhing as dark tendrils snaked over him. Cars were roaring past, but nobody seemed to notice his apparent discomfort.
“Where’s the skull, Ruddy?” demanded Officer Babcock.
Ruddy hissed at him.
“Ugh. Hold on.” Officer Babcock stuck his baton into a tendril and, straining a bit, forced them to dissolve.
Ruddy gave a little sigh, stretched, and said, “Oh. Um – skull – went that way.” He pointed.
“Come on.” Officer Babcock took to his heels.
It did not take long to find the skull. It had been detained in an alley, due to its employment in satisfying the dog’s gnawing instinct.
“Why isn’t that dog dead meat yet?” asked Ruddy blankly.
“As I lay here,” said the skull, “still rather surprised that this dog had been able to pounce on me unawares, I came to a startling realization. If I didn’t intervene, this dog could break me apart; inherently, then, it is stronger than I. Yet there are things stronger than this dog. Icould be stronger than this dog. If I fought this dog, it would ultimately do me no good. And while it does me no good, I am weaker than this dog. I am weaker, then, than all that’s alive, when all that’s alive is weaker than me. Therefore we are servants, not the master. My time is done.”
“Um, actually,” said Officer Babcock somewhat awkwardly, “here, you, dog, move along a little there. Not a toy. Okay? Not a toy. Good doggie.” He walked up and pried the skull from it’s slobbery predicament. It stood up. “Why did you do that?”
“We generally don’t let convicts get eaten by animals.”
The skull bobbed. “It must be true. Well, I have changed my worldview. I must investigate these things now. I will go.” It turned and began toddling off.
“Hey!” exclaimed Ruddy. “You can’t just leave.”
“I can. I shall return your Grandmother and this Heath. After this, I shall expire.”
“No, no, no, no, no. You’re coming to jail.” Officer Babcock looked distinctly unsure of this situation.
“If I live, they cannot. If they are set free, I cannot. It’s antibiosis. I am a parasite at this point. My power is spent. I am nothing but an empty shell with idiotic legs, of which I am now tired. I depart.” A column of strobing, purple smoke appeared. “Good day.” The skull fractured and collapsed, turning into dust. The legs, oddly enough, morphed into thick pencils. Immediately, the column cleared away, revealing three people.
Grandma instantly got up. “Tried to take a whole army,” she explained. “Got conked.”
“Where’re we?” moaned Officer Heath thickly. “And who’s shesupposed to be? And what am I doing lying down on a filthy street?” He stood up too fast and had to quickly bend over.
Officer Babcock was curiously investigating the third person. “Human. Female. Young adult. Healthy. Alive. Breathing. Powerfully magical. Beginning to take control of—” He leaped back and carefully placed a magic dome around her.
“Where am I?” she suddenly asked, without opening her eyes.
“Um…” said Officer Babcock.
“An alleyway,” provided Ruddy.
The woman slowly opened her eyes. “It’s bright,” she remarked, linearly gaining a seated position.
“Those are impressive stomach muscles,” whispered Ruddy in Officer Babcock’s ear.
“Shut up,” whispered Officer Babcock back.
“Who are you?” asked Officer Heath gruffly.
The woman payed him no mind. Instead, she was staring at Officer Babcock. “I know you.” She got to her feet, staggering slightly. “Officer George Babcock. It must have worked. And you, Officer Ruddy Babcock. And there’s my dog – how did he get here? Here, Kenneth.” The dog pranced happily over to her and began rubbing against her leg like a cat.
“You wouldn’t happen to be that skull with the stupid little legs?” asked Ruddy rather tightly.
“What? I wasgoing to give myself an immortal body – it seems possible, yes. And I doseem to remember—and something about wristwatches. I must have been a menace.”
“Of all things,” said Officer Babcock. He cleared his throat. “Oh, you know, I’ve seen worse.”
“You were just a touchcracked,” said Ruddy. “She isthe skull,” he whispered to Officer Heath.
“What skull?” growled Officer Heath. Ruddy drew out his phone and showed him a picture.
“This one.”
“Oh. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.” His eyes flicked to the woman. “No offense.”
“None taken.” 
“Well,” said Grandma, “in thatcase, how about we go to the office and mull things over with a drop of cider?”
“Ha!” said Ruddy loudly. “Get it? Mull things over with mulledcider!”
“I’m not impressed,” stated Officer Babcock.

Approximately three minutes later, all five individuals were sitting in Samantha Babcock’s extraordinary parlor (it accounted for more than three quarters of the house), seeing as it was unanimously decided that the office was no place for company.
“So,” said Officer George Babcock. “We’re all here.” He leaned forward professionally and set a hastily conjured coffee mug on a nearby table. “What do you have to say for yourself, Miss…miss?”
“Not much, really. I was born. I ate mostly peas for years…”
“Ouch,” interjected Ruddy, looking sympathetic.
“I like peas.”
“You do?” Ruddy looked simultaneously awestruck and aghast.
“I do. Then I adopted this dog, began to—”
“Yes, yes. I get it,” said Officer Heath dolefully. He flipped through the two legible pages of an incredibly worn newspaper.
“Anyway, here I am.” She threw her arms out and indicated herself.
“Drink your orange juice,” commanded Grandma Babcock. “We need to secretly discuss your future. What’s your name, incidentally?”
“No idea, actually!” The woman’s face brightened. “I like to call myself Thrúd.”
“You like to…” Officer Babcock looked bemused. “Whatever suits you. Now, it seems to me she isn’t too wicked or anything – now, at least.”
“Hope not,” said Thrúd, staring at her orange juice.
“It also seems her personality was a bit suppressed while she was a SWSL, so—”
“What’s a swizel?” asked Ruddy.
“It’s an acronym,” said Officer Babcock patiently. “Skull with stupid legs.”
“Oh. Like S-W-S-L? I’m pretty sure that’s already a thing.”
Officer Babcock glared at the carpet.
Thrúd took a sip of orange juice.
Officer Babcock cleared his throat and looked up at her. “Not guilty!” he announced, smashing his hand into his armrest.
“You’d better have an egg, then,” said Grandma to Thrúd.
“I’m actually mildly allergic to eggs.”
“Well!” Grandma looked taken aback.
“How’d you do it?” Ruddy petted Kenneth as the dog rested his head on Officer Heath’s apathetic knee.
“Do what?” asked Thrúd, turning to stare at him.
“Turn into a Cranium ridiculum.”
“SWZL’s better,” grunted Officer Babcock.
Thrúd frowned. “Oh, well, I just was…wait a minute. Oh, gullible comb jellies! I forgot. I really have to get back.” She shot up in alarm, throwing her glass halfway across the room in the process. Officer Heath glanced up briefly but quickly resumed his newspaper.
“Back?” asked Ruddy, white in the face.
She began pacing around alarmingly fast. “Yes, I’m not from this world. And I’m probably going to get thrown in prison. Oh, great. So, I can go?”
“Yes,” said Officer Heath, picking up a magazine with onions on its front.
“Thanks for everything, then.” She grabbed her dog. “Bye.” She stepped forward and disappeared, and everyone in the room felt the worlds briefly touch.
“Hang on!” said Officer Babcock. “A person can’t just stepinto another reality. I hope you all realize that, right? That would take tremendouspower. Portals, anybody? Powerful, specialized portals or systems built around the very base of power, on a deeper level than even space or time? I’ll buy something like that. But one foot up, suddenly in a new world, one foot down? That’s just ridiculous! Furthermore…”
“Yep,” Officer Heath picked up a book on Latin declensions.
“Something just doesn’t add up,” agreed Ruddy.
“Right?” said Grandma. “Who wants eggs?”